Anger

I am angry.  I am not normally an angry person, but recently I have been.  I started seeing a counsellor through the local hospice a few weeks ago, and straight away it became apparent I have not dealt with all my feelings surrounding my Mam and the Cancer, I have done a Scarlett O'Hara and packed them away until I have time to deal with them.

The thing is, I don't think there will ever be a time to deal with them.  My Mam's chemotherapy is rapidly coming to an end, she should have finished her treatment by December 2nd all going well.  So the end is in sight.  But, so is my maternity leave.  Sooner than I would like, I am going to have to start settling Baby R into nursery, weaning her off my boobies during the daytime (and I am going to need all of the luck in the world with that particular one!), and preparing my lessons and plans for January.  I am dreading it.  But I am also starting to realise that unless I start to face and conquer my angst over the year we should have had before Cancer took it away from us, then I am not going to last 2 minutes back at work, in the real world, doing the nursery runs and working with very challenging young people on a daily basis. 

So, expect to see a bit more activity on here from now on.  This is the first step of me admitting I never closed the book, just shoved a tatty bookmark in, and now it is time to read on ...