I hate feeling out at sea. This has been one of the most difficult things to deal with in our whole Cancer journey, feeling cut off from the people I care about most. In a number of areas of my life, I have had cause to majorly reassess where I belong.
In that vein, I started looking for a new Church over the summer. I was brought up in a Christian family, and have a very personal faith which is a big part of who I am. For the best part of the last 8 years I have attended a small church local to where we lived as students, and have invested a lot of time and energy there, especially before I had the children. In fact, the first time I ever left Mr R alone with Toddler R was when he was 5 weeks old, to go to a Church meeting. Sadly, I have never felt 100% comfortable there, and this feeling has only intensified in these past difficult months.
Two weeks ago I took the step of walking into our local Baptist Church. I felt like such a fish out of water to start with, but I really enjoyed the simplicity and the whole feel of the service. Afterwards, I was made to feel so welcome, chatting with various members of the congregation, and the Pastor, in the Coffee Lounge (yes, a Church with its very own Coffee Lounge, how ace is that!). So today I went back. And I just felt like I had come home.
These people don't know me, they don't know my pain, they don't know what I have come through to get here. But I have every confidence that from here on in, they will be my new second family. I look forward to sharing my Sunday morning with them, in time to inflict my children on them (but not just yet, I enjoy my little bit of peace and quiet too much!), to grow with them and to share their journey as the Church develops. I look forward, after 9 years of searching since I moved here, to finally belonging.