I do try to keep this blog as simple and honest as I can, and I don't want to come across preachy. But this is something that is really on my mind, and since the purpose of this blog is to aid my venting/release process it is time to get this post out of my system!
When you tell people you, or someone you love, will be starting a Cancer Journey, you are met with shock, with awkward words, and platitutes. "If you need anything just yell". "Anything I can do to help". "You know where I am". "Just call". I know I have given them myself. The big thing is that I personally have meant them. When a friend has needed me to babysit, I have gone at the drop of the hat. When a friend has needed me to help with the school run, I have done it. I can number in the tens the amount of people who have said these things to me, yet I can only count on one hand the number of people who have actually gone out of their way to help me.
Like the lovely lady who turned up on my doorstep last week with a bunch of flowers and tea for two. Or the equally lovely lady who, when setting up a playdate for Baby R and her son, decided to take me out for curry instead. I will be forever grateful to both.
But what about the nights out that get cancelled last minute, then never rearranged? What about the afternoons of babysitting help that get offered but then reduced to a couple of hours? While I am grateful for the offers, I would almost rather people wouldn't bother, then I wouldn't be so desperately disappointed when the glimmer of light in my week gets snatched away.
So please, if you have a friend who you know it battling along their own journey, be it cancer or otherwise, by all means offer support but make sure that you intend to follow through what you offer. Or if you aren't sure you can, then don't offer but make a surprise of it when you know you can.
I must take this opportunity to thank each and every person who has offered me words of support, virtual hugs, and allowed me the space to vent and rage. I am truly blessed that so many people across the country and even in lands further afield care enough to read and comment, and I hope that people starting their own journeys may read it and see that the dark times do pass, there are ups and downs, but life doesn't have to be (in our case anyway ...) all about the Boobies!!!!
Your words ring so true. While it is so kind of people to offer to help, in reality, when you actually NEED that help, that's when the real test of friendship begins. I know it can make you feel terribly alone when let down by someone - but for every one person who does that, someone else will find a way to help and remind you why you loved them.
ReplyDeleteAlways here, always listening, always loving.
J